Who ordered hot and spicy for Christmas dinner?
HOW does an already dysfunctional family Christmas descend into even more chaos and mayhem?
Let's just say firemen are supposed to put fires out, not start new ones.
The Criterion Theatre has turned up the heat in its latest production, Festive Spirit, written by award-winning Australian playwright Sally Davies.
Davies' M15+ script spices things up and takes amateur theatre to a new level in the final act and somehow, thanks to director Mareia Cowper, I got roped into providing that added heat.
Anyone following my movements of late would notice I brushed up on my dancing skills in the Stars of Clarence - Dance For Cancer fundraiser at the Saraton Theatre on July 28, and trimmed down for the Gold Coast Marathon on July 7.
All of that - plus a few extra push ups and sit ups - has helped me prepare for my brief cameo stunt in this hilarious comedy, which previewed last night and officially opens at 7.30pm tonight.
If you're still in the dark about what all this could possibly have to do with a fireman turning up on the doorstep, you'll just have to come along and find out for yourself.
Tickets are $20 and can be purchased at Buckley's Music Group in Prince St, online at Sticky Tickets or at the door of the theatre located at 149 Oliver St, Grafton.